


i wish this was over, i wish this was a dream

by peacock_francophile



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Angst, Assunmed Canon, Emotional Hurt, Everyone Needs A Hug, F/M, Heavy Angst, Nightmares, Post-Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie), Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Wanda Maximoff Needs a Hug, post Avengers 4, scarletvision - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-30
Updated: 2018-10-30
Packaged: 2019-08-09 19:47:27
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 622
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16456166
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/peacock_francophile/pseuds/peacock_francophile
Summary: Now, she is more alone than ever before. She has lost everything. She has lost her parents. She has lost her country. She has lost Pietro. She has lost Vision. She has lost Steve. And now, she’s losing herself.





	i wish this was over, i wish this was a dream

**Author's Note:**

> This takes place after Avengers 4, so I’ve assumed some things, namely that Steve dies and that half the universe comes back to life. Also, this is heavy angst so. Sorry. Trigger warnings for nightmares, mentioned anxiety attacks, mentioned nonverbalism, and just general depression and PTSD

When Wanda jerks awake at 2:36 in the morning, it isn’t unusual. Not by her standards, or by any of the Avengers’. When she struggles to untangle the mess of sheets and stumble away from her bed, it doesn’t make her special. Any of the survivors practically have the same night she does. When she watches Vision fly into pieces by her hand, when she watches him get tossed carelessly to the side, when she feels herself fading away, when her eyes finally fly open, it doesn’t matter. Not to her. Not really. She won’t tell anyone, because she knows they already know. How can they not? They all experience the same thing. She’s overhead Bucky murmuring something softly to Sam as the sit, bodies close, heads even closer, about how the nightmares will get better eventually, he promises, it’ll be alright. She’s noticed how Thor barely speaks any more. She’s seen how Shuri will flinch every time T’challa walks into the room, like she’s seeing a ghost. She’s even witnessed one of Tony’s panic attacks and how it takes over an hour for him to recover and for Peter to crouch beside him and firmly remind him that it’s okay, remember? He’s okay, he’s not gone, he’s not dead…

Even though Wanda knows he feels dead on the inside. That he feels like absolute hell. Like no matter how many breaths he takes, he will never feel alive again. None of them will. Not after everything. 

So Wanda doesn’t say anything about the nightmares. Or about the good dreams, the ones that really destroy her. The ones that remind her of his soft lips against hers, of his gentle touch, of his wide, blue-green eyes, of his steady presence, lying beside her in bed… just to wake up and see the empty spot beside her and have to choke down the wild sob building inside her. 

Some nights when she knows she won’t fall asleep again, she leaves the room. She goes to her window and opens it so that there is nothing separating her from the outside, from the air, from the cold hard ground fifty feet below. Revels in the knowledge that she is in control, that this time she can control whether she lives or dies, that there is nothing stopping her from climbing out and letting go. She never does. But she knows she could. And for a few moments, that’s enough to make her breath easy and forget that there was a moment where she didn’t have control, that people fell into dust around her…

Before, perhaps Steve would have come in. He always seemed to know when she needed a reassuring voice of reason. He always seemed to know when anyone needed somebody to talk to. And maybe, had he been here, Wanda would have told him about the nightmares. But he’s not, so her mouth stays closed. 

Wanda doesn’t really know when the nightmare will stop, if they ever will. Bucky seems to think they will. He suffers more than most, Wanda knows. If he can be optimistic, then surely Wanda can to. But it’s easier said than done, and Wanda has never really been the optimistic type. Maybe they only stop if you really try to stop them. Or if you go to therapy. Or… Wanda doesn’t really know. She’s a stranger in this field. After her parents died, Wanda had nightmares, but not of this intensity, and even then she had Pietro. 

Now, she is more alone than ever before. She has lost everything. She has lost her parents. She has lost her country. She has lost Pietro. She has lost Vision. She has lost Steve. And now, she’s losing herself.

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you liked, my tumblr is the-first-refrain


End file.
